The 1 Samuel 1:11 talks about Hannah praying to God asking for a baby, “And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” This was pretty much what I went through for 6 years, until God blessed me with a baby boy, Samuel Cole.
This kid was the greatest baby, a natural-born climber, he’s a helper, he’s sweet, he’s social, he’s friendly, he’s just an awesome kid. God has blessed my life with him, and my daily prayer is that I don’t ruin him, that God will grant me with wisdom and patience to raise Sam according to God’s will. I know my kid has a purpose already defined by God even before I prayed for him. I know there is a reason for why it took so long to get him, but I know whatever God’s reason is, I want to be the mom that helps this kid to serve God and others as well.
Is every day as lovely as it sounds in the lines above? Absolutely not! We argue, we fight, he gets an attitude and talks back, then I go pull my mama power, and you bet I make him regret he even opened his mouth to talk back at me. We both pray together when we start our day and when we’re done, but a lot happens in between.
He’s 7 years old, I try to keep him as busy as I can, but being a single mom without any help, it’s not that easy sometimes. He still is in school, then goes to daycare, goes to karate twice a week, then we alternate soccer and basketball seasons with swimming in the summer. All that is fine and dandy until we’re home. Sometimes it goes smooth, sometimes it doesn’t. He’s a boy, he’s the true son of his father and his mother, so to tell you the truth, I know what to expect. However, I cannot allow this kid to grow crooked, so I’ve ask God to help raise him as straight as I can.
I told you I work nights, right? Well, sometimes I don’t sleep very well during the day, so I need to take a nap before work after we had dinner. Sometimes, the kid decides to do some stuff that gets him in trouble for getting into what he shouldn’t have. I hung him by his toes, of course, but his response broke my heart, and just made me more determined than ever to seek my freedom. After the toe hanging and getting him in bed while trying to log into work, Sam came to me crying and said: “I did those things to get your attention. I did that because you don’t play with me. All you do is work and sleep and get mad at me! I just want my mom!”
What can you say? What can you tell this kid that you prayed for 6 years, the kid that you paid so much for after you tried two in vitro treatments to get him? I told him I was sorry, I told him my heart was so broken and that I loved him so much. I told him I was sorry I had to work to support our family, and I worked nights to be there for him during the day, but I also had to sleep while he was home, fed and safe. I told him mama is in school because mom wants to find freedom from the 9-5, but right now we have to do this, and that I needed his help. We kissed, we hugged, he fell asleep knowing I listened, I cared about his feelings, and knowing I was there for him.
I’m sure you have had this exchange with your kid at some point, or something quite similar. I explained the next morning that while I work, I also sacrifice my sleep to take him to whatever its needed, whether it is the doctor or karate, or go to his school class party, or field trip, or lunch with him on Fridays. I also have to work to get him tickets for the Monster Jam or the circus, or for theater, or his sports or books or whatever he needs. I told him I spent time with him, we watch TV together, we go grocery shopping together, we eat together, he sleeps with me on my nights off, we have our Ihop then church routine on Sundays. I do spend time with him, I don’t care about the house, I care about being with him. “Maybe I don’t sit and play with you,” I said to him, “but I’m here, I’m always here with and for you!”
So, we’ve been praying so hard for God to bless us and grant me the freedom I need to pursue other ventures. The kid prays for God to let me have lots of hours of sleep, and more patience and time to play with him. I just pray that God will work on our hearts to find patience and strength for our plans. Right now, the kid wants to play with me, and I know he’ll grow up and one day he won’t ask to play with me. So we bought some table games, and I played with him. We got some sugar-free yogurt with strawberries and we watch Tarzan and The Lion King together over the weekend.
God gave me this kid, I’ll do everything in my power with God’s help and guidance to not break this kid’s sweet little heart, but be there for him and raise him so he can grow into an awesome man. If you’ve been blessed with a spouse, and have a support system in town or nearby, be grateful you don’t have to do it by yourself. God is with us, but I’m human, and I’m not perfect, but I love my kid, and he loves me. Thank God!!