I cannot say 2018 was a bad year, but I’m glad it’s over. I must say 2018 was so much better than 2017 though! I am so excited that 2019 finally got here because it brings a fresh start to so many things. During 2018 the kid and I came to realize so much, a lot of learning and training took place and now, it is all about to bloom.
When I look back to 2018, it started with a defeated mom who made a few difficult decisions after praying a lot and finding peace to move forward. I was working nights, barely sleeping during the day, trying to keep it together, being a lousy mom and person, looking for an answer, a solution, something, anything! I felt I was drowning, I felt I had failed. God didn’t see it like that though.
Some of 2018 was spent on getting myself back on track, from sleeping 8 hours at night to getting healthier and better in all other aspects. It’s still a work in progress, but once I started putting the pieces together, I was able to look outwards and start helping other people. I know I’m not the only single mama with sleeping or weight or stress issues. I have learned that sharing how I was able to do this or that with others, is part of bringing happiness to my own life and making it better.
The rest of 2018 was devoted to helping my kid overcome the many losses we have had in the recent years. For his young age, this kid has seen the loss of his father, two fur siblings, someone we really cared about, and two fish and it all piled up and it became too much to bear for him. So what was I supposed to do? Do anything and everything to help my son, and it worked! It took a while, but it worked!
So by the time 2018 ended, we were in great spirits. Definitely not the defeated spirits that started 2018. There were so many lessons and so many blessings. My biggest lesson was to let God take the reins of it all. After husband died, I went into control mode when I took over everything. I prayed a lot, read my Bible, knew God had my back, but I was terrified of letting go and letting Him take over.
Did I lose myself in the process? Yes. Did I lose people and other stuff? Yes. Did I lose my faith? No, and this is what at the end saved me. Having faith that God was so much bigger than me, trusting that God had a plan for me, believing that His grace and mercy were my boat and all I had to do was let go, and I did.
This is where my biggest blessing kicked in. I became free and peace came back to my life. I went from a stressed mama who could turn into Hulk in a nanosecond to a mama who finally listened to my kid’s 289 questions. I realized I had been the stone in my kid’s shoe and when I let go and let God take over, even my own kid found his peace as well.
I had been praying for God to provide me wisdom and help me raise my kid, and to realize that I was the one holding it all up because I was too afraid of letting go was the biggest rock that could have ever hit my head. I learned my lesson though. God has it all taken care of, He never needed my help. I needed Him and His help.
So what’s in store for us during 2019? We don’t know but we are excited. Everybody says new year, new you, but I don’t think there’s nothing new about us when the new year starts. It’s just the chance we get to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. Fresh ideas, fresh plans, fresh intentions, fresh and renewed trust and faith in God.
We finished last year learning and training, and this year we hope to see our new endeavors blooming. It will take time of course, but with God’s blessing our efforts will start taking off the ground and also provide for us. This past December was 6 years since husband died, and we have been praying and working on getting ourselves ready to open our hearts for someone to come and complete our tiny family. We hope God will bring someone who also seeks His favor and follows Him like we do.
We found a home in our church, with people that have become our church family as well. The kid feels like a fish in the water the minute he walks into church, and the urge to serve in any capacity has grown more and more in our hearts. We have prayed for our desire to serve and we hope God will show us the way. Whether is in a ministry, or by donating our time or our money, or by telling the world the amazing things He has done for us, or by sharing how we were able to go through several storms and not drown because we never let go of His hand and His promises, or by bringing the gospel to others who are reading these words.
We have also prayed for a couple of fur siblings for the kid! Mama misses having Beagle puppies so we hope we’ll find a boy and girl puppies to become the kid’s fur siblings! They will bring so much happiness and love to our tiny party of 2, they will be so much easier to train, they won’t talk back and I don’t have to put them through college! I mean how cool is that!?
Of course, getting healthier is my one thing I prayed every single day for. Changing is always uncomfortable but when it comes to getting healthier because you’re the only parent your kid depends on, then there’s not much of a choice. It took several trials and errors until I started doing intermittent fasting, and it finally happened. I finished last year 24 pounds lighter than when I started, and I hope to reach my healthy weight goal in a few months. I pray every day for God to allow me see my kid become a man and start his own family, so if I have to leave, he won’t be all alone. That’s my why I need to get healthy.
So I’m not starting 2019 as a new woman, I’m making a fresh start, and a renewed commitment to trust God, to let Him take over our lives, to have faith in His promises, to hold His hand while going through stormy waters, to believe that He is the only one who can take us from one day to the next, from one victory to the next. So, we are having a fresh start with God by our side.
2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”