I bet you thought we were gone or something. I am sorry for leaving you behind and not telling you where I went. I did not go anywhere and I was not hiding, just got life getting in the way. My parents came over for a week after my last post, and next thing I know, my life and my fasting went way off track.
What did happen is that both the kid and I went through a growing spurt. Yes, the kid grew a few inches tall and I, a few inches wide! However, I meant we had an emotional growing spurt. We had to overcome quite a bit and it took quite a bit of me to fully and completely be there for the kid.
Last year I found myself working a job that completely drained me out. My wakeup call was my kid yelling at me: “you have to quit this job mom!” I was stressed out, I was a mess, I couldn’t keep that going. So, I quit. Three times. Then I went on to pursuing interests that I have had forever, real estate and health coaching.
I am a registered nurse, but I was burned out. I thought I could find my way back to healthy and help others do the same with health coaching. I thought I could make an income with real estate. What I hadn’t considered, was that I had to take a step back and take a look at what I had shut down for a few years. That, and my kid needed his mama.
Both of us had gone through quite a bit. My husband passed away almost 7 years ago. It was a massive heart attack. I had just graduated from nursing school, which by the way I went through it pregnant with a complete placenta previa and Braxton Hicks almost every week. The kid was born early, 911, emergency c-section, NICU, while being back in school. Two years later, husband is passing away.
What almost nobody knew, was that my husband was a hardcore Jack Daniels alcoholic and I kept the boat afloat through it all. I was the rock when he was the ocean waves crashing against me every day and night. I went through it with blinders and did what I had to. I kept it all afloat and working out.
Richard died, and I did what I had to do. I had the kid and the dogs to think about. I found a job, we moved to a different house. About 9 months later, a man suddenly entered our lives. A couple years later, I was t-boned by an illegal drunk driver, went through months of therapy while still working full time. A couple years later, one of my baby dogs, suddenly passed away.
A few months later, the infamous 2016 hail destroyed my car and the house I was putting on the market. Eventually we moved to a new house, this guy left a year later as suddenly as he entered our lives. The following year, my other baby dog died and this is where it all went down.
The kid was finally old enough to understand that just in a few years we had all kinds of losses. I was working nights, not sleeping during the day, and I was a monster, and my kid needed his mama more than ever. He started sleeping with me, he was mourning both his biological dad and the man he saw as his dad, he was mourning the dogs that he loved as his siblings. I also had to do the mourning I hadn’t done in years.
I finally broke down myself, quit my job and focused on the kid, and me. I had been pushing myself with my blinders on, chugging along without stopping and I had to stop. I had held on to praying for the longest time, but this time I had to trust God was going to guide us and get us both out of the hole we both were in.
Anyways, we had healing to do, growing too. Overcoming fears and bad memories and losses and abandonments and, we both needed our own help. So, we started working on stuff one thing at a time. Finding out how to help myself, and trying to help my kid. I’ll tell you more about it on another blog post, or posts.
So, let’s see, I disappeared in February, right before spring which brought happenings. Then summer showed up, and more things happened. Then at the end of summer, a job found me! I should say God sent me a job. I firmly believe God gives us what we need when we do, but don’t know it yet. I sure knew I needed a job because my savings were at a low time low. Well, they still are, but I have a job!
We also went to California to visit grandma and aunt, also made an exhausting theme park tour with the kid. There will be a blog post about it. We also got dogs, two beagle puppies. It was time, the kid needed that and yes, I will write a post about that too.
Anyways, going back to work, at an office, Monday through Friday 8 to 5, commuting back and forth, the kid in school, then daycare, it shot my apprehension and stress through the roof but here’s the good thing: it pushed the kid to stand on his two feet. There’s a whole bunch of happenings with the kid, and I’m beyond proud of his accomplishments, and I will tell you all about it on a separate blog!
Alright, so again, I apologize for disappearing on you all, but we’re back. I’m back and will be writing more often. I need to write, I miss it. Some people sing, some people exercise, some smoke, some drink, some party. I don’t do any of the above, I write. I know I should exercise too, but I need to sleep, because my sleep sucks!
Ok, so I’ll see you here soon, ok?